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Sunny is a contributing writer at The Hudsucker. Born and raised in Atlanta, she graduated with a degree in Journalism, concentrating in Public Relations, from Georgia State University in 2009. Sunny now lives in Midtown and works as a Digital Media Specialist in the Greater Atlanta Area. Being a passionate lover of good food, art of all kinds, friendly people and home-brewed Southern sweet tea, Sunny couldn't imagine a better place to call home. Follow Sunny on Twitter @SociallySunny.

The Quarter-Life Crisis: Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

Just last night at a large community event, my aunt grabbed my arm and pleadingly asked, “When are you inviting me to your wedding?”

It was the way she asked that made it worse. It was both pathetic and full of pity, as though what she was really saying was, “Tell me I’m not related to a defective one!”

There are several emotions that simultaneously ignite within you when you’re already well within your quarter-life “crisis” and are faced with those kinds of questions.  For instance, in that one tiny, fleeting moment I felt irritation, bafflement, speechlessness, momentary insecurity and fear.

The irritation, bafflement, and speechlessness are things you just get used to in your 20s. People will undoubtedly catch you unarmed about some aspect of your life or another. Whether it’s your college major or pointing out that you’ve gained a few pounds, people will constantly rapid-fire comments that will leave you completely dumbfounded.

My personal favorite is that one lady that continually likes to compare her similarly aged kid with you in a competition you seem to perpetually be losing in her eyes.

Photo Credit: Universal Studios, Bridesmaids

Photo Credit: Universal Studios, “Bridesmaids”

“Oh, it’s too bad you’re still single. My little angel just got engaged to a doctor. They are buying a bungalow near The Osbournes in Beverly Hills.”

Yes. We all know that lady.

None of it really bothers you in your early 20s. The treat you get at 25 is a little tiny bit of doubt that creeps into the mix along with a momentary panicked feeling of  “Does everyone else know something I don’t? Is it me? I don’t want to end up being alone. Aw man, am I going to be alone?”

This is the awful part of being 25. And to be honest with you, it doesn’t ease up much after 25 either. In fact, with every new Facebook engagement announcement, every new “I said yes” picture message, it might even get just a little bit worse.

With college behind you, it gets harder to meet someone. While you’re waiting to encounter Mr. Right on the subway, through a friend, or just “when you’re least expecting it,” the rest of your friends are seemingly flying through the process.

But here’s the truth: There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not going to end up alone.  And yes, even though Facebook has started advertising nothing but local wine selections, yoga pants and ChristianMingle.com to you, things will be fine. I’m not saying you won’t have your nights of complete bitterness and cynicism, because you will. But you have to relinquish the control of this little bit of your life to something greater than yourself and have a little faith. It’s the only way.

The secret of all secrets of getting through your 20s, unmarried or married really, is that you have to live your life. Not waiting for something to happen or waiting on someone to make you happy, but live your life to the fullest now. Be self-sufficient in every sense of the word. Enjoy this time you have by yourself, because there are a lot of things that will inevitably and irreversibly be different once you aren’t just planning things for one anymore.

When they say you’ll meet someone when you least expect it, you won’t meet them in your living room while you’re eating a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and watching a Law and Order marathon. You’ve got to carpe diem. Try new things, go on new adventures, and excel at what you’re passionate about. And while you’re out there experiencing life like a pro, don’t be afraid to meet new people. In fact, make it a point to meet new people. Not solely the ones you’d date, either. Just good, wholesome, make-you-glad-to-be-alive people.

Because when you’re 40, you will look back at this time in your life and regret spending it in a saddened stupor of anxiety and insecurity. You won’t regret looking back and seeing amazing trips, crazy nights where you couldn’t stop laughing, weird but fun experiences and great people you shared it all with. So get off that couch and live your adventure. Create your journey.

And I promise, someone’s going to notice how easy and amazing you make this life seem and want to experience it with you. All when you least expect it.

Do this if for nothing else than just so the next time someone asks you why you aren’t married yet, you simply tell them, “I’ve been far too busy being awesome.”


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4 Comments on “The Quarter-Life Crisis: Why Aren’t You Married Yet?”

  1. Kathleen Horgan September 19, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

    Spot on, Sunny. Great read!

    • Sunny Waseem September 19, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

      Thanks, Kathleen!

  2. Leah September 19, 2013 at 3:34 pm #

    Great article!

    I can totally relate to the “I said yes” photos plastered all over Facebook!

    • Sunny Waseem September 19, 2013 at 3:39 pm #

      Yeah. Those are fun, aren’t they? :)

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