A Daughter’s Journey

Glendalough Upper Lake, Ireland (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Growing up my Mum always said we would travel to Ireland together when I graduated from college. She traveled to Ireland when she graduated from high school and wanted to share the experience with me once I completed my undergraduate degree.

Me and my Mum in Sandy, Utah (1989). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go according to plan. My Mum unexpectedly passed away on April 15, 2006 when I was nineteen years old and a sophomore in college. After her passing, I vowed that I would make the trip to Ireland in her memory.

Funny how time slips away, though. Three years after her passing I graduated from university and didn’t make the trip as my first “grown-up” job at CNN required me to start the Monday following graduation. And as the years rolled by, there was always an excuse not to go. Not enough time, not enough money, no one to travel with…

When April 15 rolled around this year, I was shocked that seven years had passed without my Mum. Furthermore, I was frustrated and ashamed that I hadn’t made the trip. What was stopping me? I’m not married. I don’t have kids. I don’t even have a dog. Seven years felt like an awfully long time to procrastinate on a trip that was meant to honor my Mum.

And just like that, I woke up one morning at the end of April and booked a flight to Dublin, Ireland departing on May 7. I purposely scheduled my trip around Mother’s Day as I thought it would add an additional layer of meaning to the trip, while also providing a much needed distraction.

I’m halfway through my trip to Ireland and it has been an amazing experience and memorable adventure. But on Mother’s Day in a foreign city, I find myself missing my Mum.

I missed my Mum when I graduated from college and wanted her in the audience. I missed her when I received an exciting job offer last month and wanted to share the news with someone who would be proud. I miss her when I’m sick and when I’m lonely. I miss her when I can’t remember what works best on stains on my laundry and when nobody else cares how rude a driver was when they cut me off on Peachtree. It’s the fact that I can’t talk to her or ask her for help or guidance that makes me miss her all over again.

I’m finding that as I get closer to full-fledged adulthood, I need my Mum more than ever. I need her here for her support and guidance, and to have her listen and care. I have a huge gaping hole in my life and it hurts terribly.

However, being in Ireland celebrating her life and sharing this special journey in her memory has provided unexpected comfort. Happy Mother’s Day to all moms young and old. And a very special Happy Mother’s Day to Maureen Patricia Horgan–you are loved, missed, and never far from my mind.

Trinity College (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan

Saint Kevin’s Monastic City in Glendalough, Ireland (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Visiting Glendalough Upper Lake, Ireland (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Kilkenny, Ireland from St. Canice’s Round Tower (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Kilkenny Castle (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

St. Canice’s Cathedral and Round Tower in Kilkenny, Ireland (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.

Irish Gorse (2013). Image credit: Kathleen Horgan.