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Guest Writer Caileigh Scott: Me, Myself and I – After The Break-Up

Today The Hudsucker welcomes guest writer, Caileigh Scott, a Los Angeles based actress, writer and sketch comedienne. In addition to her stage and screen work, Scott also performs with several sketch comedy troupes, and co-founded the non-profit organization IBG Inc.

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Caileigh Scott is an actress, writer, sketch comedienne, model and philanthropist who currently resides in Los Angeles. Initially setting her sights on a dance career with the New York City ballet, her ambitions changed at the age of twelve after being cast in a children’s theater production of Romeo & Juliet. She has been a working actress ever since. Most recently Scott’s work includes CSIYoung & the RestlessJustified, a short film directed by acclaimed actor Shia LaBeouf, and a lead role in the pilot Not Quite There. Finding a love of comedy early on, she is a member and co-founder of the all-female sketch comedy troupe Wheels on Fire. When Scott was 14 (and already 5’10”) she began modeling, and continues to appear in print ads and runway shows when her schedule permits. In addition to her work on stage and onscreen,  she is an avid philanthropist, co-founding the non-profit IBG Inc. as well as volunteering her time with a plethora of other organizations. Her favorite food is cheese, she is rather in love with England, she speaks five languages (with varying degrees of fluency) and one of her ultimate goals is to be described as the lovechild of Jennifer Saunders and Conan O’Brien.

For more information on Caileigh and her credits, visit her official website CaileighScott.com. Connect with her on FacebookTwitter and Instagram.

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Ugh. Break ups. We’ve all been there. Or at least, most of us have been there. If you haven’t, I guess you married your first boyfriend and that’s going well for you, so congrats! The rest of us, however, have been in the Adele-fueled trenches a few times. So what do you do after a long term relationship, when the life you imagined for yourself and were likely actively planning for yourself, abruptly ends?

How do you keep from sinking into the dark abyss of self-pity and endless depression? (Pro tip: A 2am unfriending spree of everyone you know on Facebook who is in a seemingly happy and stable relationship is not the best move.) As a newly single lady, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. My most recent relationship was great for a long time and had a lot of potential, but it was also very fractured and despite my intense efforts to fix it (and more than one break up), it just couldn’t be fixed. So what now?

GET ACTIVE, GET INVOLVED. FIND YOURSELF! I know everyone is telling you to “keep busy” and you’re all, “f*ck off, I’m eating my feelings and watching a Snapped marathon.” It’s totally okay to wallow. You need to give yourself that time in private, or even around close friends, to be sad. To cry. To think and ponder and process it all. But it’s also important to counter that by embracing life. Find yourself! Who are you now? You’re not the person you were before the two of you started dating, nor are you the person you were when you were together. You’re this awesome, incredibly strong, brand new lady you can get to know. Be completely open to new people and new things. Go on a day trip with the girls to somewhere none of you have ever been before, join a sporting team by yourself, take a painting or cooking class, become a mentor … you are free to spend your time outside of work or school doing whatever the hell you want. Truthfully, I really lost myself somewhere along the way in my last relationship. In order to reclaim my personal identity, and to embrace my new-found freedom (no, really, I could just up and move to Paris tomorrow if I wanted to, and that feels amazing), I’ve been going on adventures and getting as involved with my community as possible. I’ve been running 5ks and signing up for a lot of charity work, and it’s wonderful. I’m doing something different every weekend, meeting new and amazing people, and having a blast. I’ve always been big on philanthropy, but relationships require time and effort, and I know I wouldn’t be having all of these incredible experiences if I was still attached. The best part is, I feel like me again.

LISTEN TO KELLY CLARKSON. Girl, I know you want to put Adele on repeat while you curl up in the fetal position in the dark. I get it. You could have had it all and he ruined it, and you’re pissed off and you’re sad. You definitely deserve your Adele phase, but then you’ve got to switch over to Kelly. Put “Stronger” on repeat and you listen to it until you realize it’s true. If you’re worried about feeling like a cliché, STOP. Who cares? And actually, Xtina’s “Fighter” is pretty great, as well. I strongly suggest a playlist that alternates between “Stronger,” “Fighter” and a little Gloria Gaynor for good measure. Put it on while you’re jogging, in the car, or on the subway. Every day. Or find your own post-break-up empowerment songs. You can only listen to the sad songs and the angry songs for so long. You need to find the songs that say, you know what? No hard feelings, but I’m better off. Once you realize the break up is seriously the best f*cking thing that has happened to you (because, really, it is), there’s no need to be sad. You’ve learned lessons about relationships, yourself and the world. Take those, appreciate them, and move on. And listen to Kelly while you do it, because she knows and she’ll make sure you get to the other side.

BE ARTISTIC. The arts are very healing. Even if you are not an artist by profession, get some water colors and see what happens. Try an improv class. Pick up an instrument and start playing around. Write. Write a song. Write a story. Write about your break up. You can take a class or experiment in the arts alone. Nobody will judge you, and be firm in not judging yourself. You may find a new hobby, you may even find a new path in life, or you may just find a therapeutic release that gets you through this phase of your life.

Image Credit: Getty Images

UNFRIEND. NO, REALLY. UNFRIEND. Social media has added a whole new dimension to the break up. You want to keep your ex as a friend on Facebook because you want to seem as if you’re not even bothered enough to remember to delete him, and you want to be able to secretly stalk him and obsess over every check-in, every new friend and every wall post from some ugly yet slutty looking girl. You also probably want to post about how amazing your life is right now, along with sexier-than-ever profile photos, hoping he’s creeping on you and thus realizing what a huge mistake it is to lose you. I’m sure he is. But here’s the thing, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY, and you’re a smart gal who knows that. You need to be out living an amazing life for you, because you deserve it, and not in some attempt at revenge or to get him back. You two broke up. It’s going to be extraordinarily difficult and unnecessarily painful to move on from the relationship if you have immediate access to his life. You need to sever all social media ties with him, and ideally with his family and mutual friends that you realistically would only ever talk to or hang out with because of him. Oh, and while we’re on this subject, NO YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS. A serious romantic relationship does not automatically or seamlessly transition into a harmonious friendship. There are always exceptions,and obviously if you were friends first you probably promised each other you’d never let the romance ruin the friendship, but that’s the risk. If you are really adamant about it, maybe you can be friends someday, a year or so from now, once you’ve both truly moved on. Perhaps you can even add each other back on Facebook, too, when you’re in a place where he’s honestly just a friend and you won’t be tempted to refresh his profile every five minutes and agonize over every single thing on his page. (On a Friday night. Whilst drinking. Alone.) For right now, however, remove all temptation to perpetuate the cycle of heartbreak. (This includes deleting his email address and phone number from your contacts. You know tequila and an iPhone don’t mix.)

TREAT YOURSELF. Buy yourself flowers, splurge on an overpriced dessert, get that new outfit that makes you feel confident and sexy. Did you stop wearing the color green because he hates it, even though it’s one of your favorites? Dig that pretty green sweater that compliments your eyes so well out of the back of your closet and go conquer some shit. Make yourself feel special. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, and never settle for anything less. Break ups aren’t easy, but there is a bright side. The two of you came together at a time in both your lives in order to fulfill something you each needed, to teach each other lessons, and to help one another on the path of becoming whoever you are meant to be. It didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, but it did work out the way it was meant to, and although it’s difficult, you should try to feel grateful that you had each other when you needed one another in your lives. You can also be proud of both you and him for growing over that period of time and helping each other move into this next phase. Yes, it’s bittersweet. Losing the person you are closest to is naturally devastating for  awhile, but this ending is nothing except a wonderful new beginning for you. Embrace it, the possibilities for your life are endless.

Disclaimer: Caileigh Scott is represented by iTalent Group/Elite Talent Agency for acting and Diviniti Artists for modelling. She is managed across the board by Studio Talent Group. Please direct any official inquiries to her representation.
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One Comment on “Guest Writer Caileigh Scott: Me, Myself and I – After The Break-Up”

  1. Issy June 24, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

    Just what I needed to read right now. Super insightful!

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