Karen Watches the 2013 World Series: How to Tell Two Red Teams Apart—A Guide for the Casual Baseball Fan

The St. Louis Cardinals’ Adam Wainwright and the Boston Red Sox’ David Ortiz (photo credits: Elsa/Getty Images, Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

At around this time last year, I celebrated an Orange October as the San Francisco Giants advanced to and eventually won their second World Series in three years. However, the just-released album on my iPod rotation at the time was Red by Taylor Swift. I was hoping that would not dictate the results of that particular baseball postseason. Confused? The Giants did have to beat the Cincinnati REDS and this year’s National League champion—a team of RED birds—to face and beat the [navy blue, white, and orange; mascot is striped] Detroit Tigers after all.

Luckily, the baseball gods waited until 2013 to bestow upon us a Red October, featuring a matchup of two teams bearing Swift’s new favorite color. But they’re definitely no strangers to each other in the Fall Classic, and no strangers to being World Series champions in this millennium. All the other teams previously in this postseason and their fanbases have suffered much more than these two teams, but life and sports aren’t fair and it just so happened that the St. Louis Cardinals and the Boston Red Sox powered through everyone else in the regular season and in October. They can’t help it that they’re good.

Both teams finished the regular season with 97-65 records—the best in both leagues—and although this is a rematch of the 2004 World Series (Where the Red Sox swept the Cardinals in four games, giving the Sox their first World Championship in 86 years), you won’t see Terry Francona, Tony La Russa, Manny Ramirez, or Albert Pujols around. Instead, you’ll see John Farrell (Red Sox) and Mike Matheny (Cardinals) playing the managerial game of chess for their first times in the World Series with these teams. The current Red Sox and St. Louis Cardinals rosters boast slugging and studly pitching alike, like that from long-time Sox designated hitter David Ortiz and Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright.

America’s favorite pastime is always a thrill to be a part of, especially in October. But for some baseball fans, there are some World Series matchups you just couldn’t care any less about, or would rather be in the path of a meteor before you can bring yourself to root for either team. Readers, I’m part of “some baseball fans” right now, but to be fair, I don’t want to be near that meteor.  So as a coping mechanism as well as to assist “fans” who just want to jump on a bandwagon for a week, I’ve put together this handy dandy chart to help you all look at both teams in a nutshell and make a hasty decision on who to root for when Game 1 of the 2013 World Series starts later tonight.

Oh, so you want my prediction too? I’m going to go out on a whim and say Red Sox in 6.

Despite my relative indifference for both teams, I’ll be putting myself through sweet baseball torture and watch all of the World Series games, just to bring the Internet more sweet baseball randomness. Keep your eyes on The Hudsucker all throughout the week for fun and sometimes deeply insightful commentary from me on the conclusion of the 2013 MLB season. I anticipate that I will address such important questions like: Will David Freese become Mr. October again and make/ruin people’s lives? What is the current “home run balls stolen from people’s hands” total at Fenway? Will there be a brawl and will Mike Napoli‘s beard be torn off in the scuffle? Stats, key plays, other funny things going on in the dugouts and stands…we’ll discuss all of that too!

Whether or not you follow along here, do check out MLB.com for all the up-to-the-minute details on the World Series.

Will you be rooting for the Red Sox or the Cardinals? Who do you think takes this one?