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Alexander has been contributing for THS for over a year! While he attained a major in communications at SFU, he also recieved a minor in Psychology. Despite those accomplishments, Alex has also never had a full cup of coffee (crazy right?!). Alex is a lifelong sports fan and will defend his Seattle Seahawks to the death, especially if faced against a 49er fan. While Alex's long-term goal is to become a marriage counsellor, he also has a strong passion towards writing that he looks forward to exploring.

How Can I Be Ready to Find the One?

Photo Credit: Paul Bradbury/Getty Images

Photo Credit: Paul Bradbury/Getty Images

How do you find the person you are going to marry? There is no shortcut and sometimes finding your life partner can come with a lot of trial and error. As people continue to search for the one, they may have blinded themselves to the steps that they can take as an unattached individual. The right partner can become a beautiful extension of yourself, but there needs to be a ‘you’ to build on. It is important to be realistic about love and your expectations. Everything develops over time, but knowing you are ready to settle down is a monumental step in making sure you are ready for the next stage in a relationship.

The biggest advantage you can have towards finding your life partner is making sure you love yourself. If you were to come across your life partner tomorrow, would you be ‘ready’ for that? What are areas of your life that you need to manage before getting to that stage? Sometimes life does not wait, and your partner enters your life at what can be a surprising time. But no matter when they enter your life, the search for self-growth should never stop. It is essential to analyze not only what traits you want in a partner, but what areas you can improve on as an individual.

You may become more desirable when you grow aware of what you love to do. Everyone has different passions or traits that allow them to bond with future partners. Learning what you love can happen in a relationship and when single. Use being single as an opportunity to further find traits and passions that add depth to who you are. This can have an ultimate payoff with finding a partner that helps further expand on those traits.

If we do not know what we love, it is harder for that partner to bring those qualities out. Marriage is a partnership, but it is not a co-dependence. If you want your husband to be into gaming, you can put yourself in those situations. That does not mean flirt with everyone that likes gaming, but hanging out around things such as gaming conventions could be advantageous. Putting yourself in areas that revolve around your passions will help you find people to bond with, as well as increase your confidence.

Everyone looks for ‘the one’ for different reasons. Some people may be lonely while others may be on the heels of a bad breakup. But no matter what your reasons are, make sure you know what traits help define life partners. This is different than what traits make for a fun few dates or months. I have been on many bad dates, but what it left me with was a key set of characteristics that I know I do or do not want in a relationship. If you want ‘the one,’ you need to know what you want in a partner. That includes not seeing people who you do not see a future with. By having a list of certain deal breakers (such as I won’t date someone who does not want kids), you can help make sure that the people you go on dates with are worth your time. This can help narrow your search and limit your exasperation if you continually go on awful dates in hopes of finding ‘the one’.

One of the keys to being ready for marriage is to make sure you are aware of what a healthy relationship is. You can search for the one all you want, but if you do not know what a healthy relationship is, then how do you know when you have found it? It might seem like the best idea to stay with someone because they are the best partner you’ve ever had. That can be great advice, but that also does not hold much weight if some of your past partners were unhealthy.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to understand what a healthy and supportive relationship looks like. Make sure any future partner understands what qualities are present in a healthy relationship. You can gain further insight by examining others relationships, reading advice blogs or any number of tools that help increase self-exploration and love.

Disney movies and romantic comedies may have told you that ‘the one’ is signified by a romantic kiss or some fireworks. Life on the other hand may not be so cut and dry. It’s stressful and one part of being the right partner for each other is making sure you can handle the stress as a team. As a result, you may need to go through some tougher experiences before realizing you have found ‘the one.’  You want someone who brings out the best in you, but have patience and realize that love develops over time.

A lot of people can make snap judgments early on in a date if someone has ‘long term potential.’ While you may end dates early because of certain deal breakers, make sure you are open to new experiences. A lot of people may find themselves single because nobody can meet their expectations. Perhaps there were dates that went okay, but nothing great. Part of being the one is realizing your partner is not perfect but is in fact, perfect for you.

Finding the one person you want to spend your life with can be a stressful process. It is also a process that is at least in some sense, out of your hands. The best way to be ready to find the one is to make sure you are in a healthy place. If you love yourself and know what you value, it will help you recognize those traits in others. If you evaluate your own sense of self, you may find it less likely that you find yourself in relationships that contain disrespect. For every married couple there was still that first date. Everything started from there, and that date only happened because the individuals put themselves out there.

Learn what you love, learn how you love, and you will be monumentally closer to finding the person you are supposed to be with.

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