How Not to Save Your Marriage: 3 Relationship Myths Debunked

{Image Credit: iStock}

While marriage can be a real blessing for some couples, it’s a hard reality when you have to admit things just aren’t working anymore. With the American Psychological Association reporting one in two couples file for divorce in the U.S. every year, sometimes the signs are so evident, there’s just no other way around it. Denying the obvious not only furthers pain, but personal growth too.

Naturally, when a relationship begins to go sour between two lovers, many couples believe that there are quick fixes to resolve their broken relationship, like taking a vacation, buying a new home or even having a baby. However, these are just myths that have been debunked over the years by researchers and numerous studies and should not be considered an answer in salvation.

Take a vacation together

One of the biggest myths couples often believe will rekindle those initial inklings of romance that first drove a couple to wedded bliss is taking a vacation together. A growing number of distressed married couples on the brink of separation or divorce look toward vacations as an opportunity to save their broken relationship. Known as “save-cations,” these trips are regarded as a form of self-counseling, but they aren’t the best method because one of the central issues with vacations is that the holiday environment is an artificial one and the problems couples have will still be there when they return home.

In a study from 2013, The New York Times chronicled stories of couples who tried “save-cations” to rescue their relationship from the edge of divorce. As it was reported though, several couples didn’t regain marital bliss while on their trip.

Author of The Sex-Starved Marriage and The Divorce Remedy, Michele Weiner-Davis suggests while vacations might be fun or even remind couples why they tied the knot in the first place, the real problem is that vacations end. While getting away from distractions and outsiders provides many opportunities to unwind or re-ignite passions to solve marital issues, there is a flaw in that logic as this method does not solve calamitous relationship matters.

Have a baby together

Many couples believe the number one quick fix to a broken marriage is by conceiving a baby. Often assuming the miracle of a new life will aid in a newly renewed bond between the couple for a better relationship and distract them from past conflicts, a baby only further complicates matters.

Numerous studies have proven having a baby isn’t the solution to solve marital problems, especially for those looking to have their first child. Statistics may vary, but reports indicate 70 to 90 percent of couples claim feeling less satisfied with their marriage after the birth of their first baby as the addition puts a sudden and drastic strain on the marriage. For many couples, researchers suggest that the avalanche toward divorce begins with the first decline in the wife’s marital satisfaction after the arrival of the first baby.

“A baby may allow some couples to learn how to work together, communicate better and agree upon many required skills and future plans,” Melissa Risso, M.A, LMFT of Risso Counseling told The Hudsucker. “[But] if a relationship does not have key foundational qualities such as trust, respect, and communication — then quite often, a baby might enhance problems more.”

Buy a new house

Some couples in broken relationships believe purchasing a new home is the key to finding happiness or moving on from a terrible chapter in their life, but news flash: you will be sorely disappointed. Similarly to how a baby does not solve a marriage rocked by infidelity or a vacation solves relationship woes, a home is not the answer to proverbially, “starting over.”

Couples might have more space in their new home and freedom to customize surroundings with brand new furniture, appliances and wall decor, but a house can also be a source of frustration when the source of that frustration stems from the relationship itself.

Psychotherapist and author, Mary Jo Rapini tells YourTango that buying a new home together when a relationship has experienced problems will not restore a sick marriage, and “most likely make the impending divorce more painful.” Further, Rapini says these “fixes” will inevitably lead to resentment that grows exponentially as the couple works longer hours to make ends meet or even clash on decor. For couples treading the divorce tightrope, it is much easier to change an address than ultimately change who you innately are.

* * * * *

What are some ways you know NOT to save a marriage? Share with us in the comments below.