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When planning to get married, there are a plethora of things on the “checklist” you might feel the need to accomplish before the big day. But if you don’t find yourself having vital conversations that every couple must have, you won’t find yourself enjoying what comes after walking down the aisle — especially when memories of that happy day are soiled by fears of divorce.
Talking about things like finances with your partner are not easy conversations to have, but that doesn’t make them any less important. Through experience, having these tough conversations should leave all couples with more confidence, helping to create reassurance that you said yes to the right person.
Because there are many conversations that you and your partner will need to engage in before tying the knot, you owe it to the both of you to make sure three underrated topics, such as family, where you want to live, and finances, are among them.
What does your future family look like?
Even if you don’t want kids now, the discussion about them still needs to be had. If this hasn’t already happened by the time you got engaged, it definitely needs to happen once that ring has been handed out. The topic should also start to become more concrete as you two start moving towards marriage. How many children do you want? Do you want to have them close together? There are some people who cannot wait to get married because it means starting a family. But many others who feel that once you get married, that you owe it to your future family to take the time to make sure this was a positive transition for your relationship before you start adding to it.
As you continue to talk about your future with your partner, it’s important to make sure you’re both excited about the same thing. Discussions on how you want to raise your children should also start coming to the forefront. There are many different parenting styles out there that you can adapt to. But if you and your partner have conflicting ideas it will cause irreparable damage to not only you and your partner’s relationship but the relationship with your children as well.
The four parenting styles that have been identified by researchers and as discussed on the website Very Well Family, are parents that are either authoritarian, authoritative, permissive or uninvolved.
Where is your future family going to live?
It’s very possible that you met and fell in love with your partner in the same city that you’re living in now. But the reality is, that many people will find themselves moving out of their current city over the course of the next decade. That may become even more apparent as you get engaged and start planning towards that next stage of life. Aspects that may not have been as important a year ago, may also start increasing in value as you get older. Perhaps you cared more about the fact that a bar was nearby when you were 24 and getting engaged, but you both need to hopefully be on the same page that when you’re 34, that having a great school system around you for you and your kids is a more important goal.
When discussing potential places where you may live, it may also allow the conversation to open up to the impact of you or your partner’s career. Both in terms of if it is realistic that you may be traveling a lot (or asked to relocate), or if they will. And if so, how you two would want to try and handle that transition as a married couple. Remember that you’re signing on for the rest of your life, which means if your partner has aspirations to one day move out of your city, it’s something you also need to be aware of.
The potential career that you or your partner takes on will also have an impact on the size of your future family, as well as how those children are raised and should be addressed.
What can your future family afford to do?
There are many different things in life that you can spend your money on. And if you disagree, just spend some time in Best Buy or on Amazon, and we’re sure you may start coming around to what we’re talking about. But as you become engaged and move toward marriage, in many ways, the finances you earn become more intertwined with that of your partner. Which means that conversations around finances in a more general sense is something that you and your fiance need to be comfortable engaging in. A list compiled by Business Insider placed financial stresses as one of the biggest reasons behind divorce.
In order to prevent this, make sure you’re openly talking about things like how much to spend on aspects in the immediate future, such as that future wedding or vacation. But also, what you and your partner’s plans are to save up for the longer term goals that start becoming more important as you get married.
If you find your partner is not being upfront about how much they are earning or what their potential is, it may cause deeper problems to start to seep into the relationship. Similarly, being able to know that you and your partner have proven ways to save money — such as dependable meals you cook at home — is huge in increasing the confidence you’ll have as a married couple. There’s no question that financial stresses are going to come your way, but don’t have it be that the first time you two talk about it or try to handle, that it’s when you’ve already walked down the aisle.
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These underrated topics will help you get to the deeper part of a relationship, with the hopeful similarity of answers between you and your partner leaving you feeling even more confident in a shared future. While no one can predict what is coming your way in life, if you’ve had these conversations, it can hopefully predict how your partner will be there for you — and those are the kinds of conversations you’ll agree are well worth having.
What conversations do you think need to be discussed before getting married? Let us know in the comments below.
The Hudsucker 
Great post!