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Tania is currently the Founder & Editor-in-Chief of The Hudsucker, and a News Editor at the Nashville, Tennessee based PopCulture.com. With past writing and editing credits with Womanista, Quietly, the International Women's Media Foundation (IWMF) and NBC Newsvine, she is currently a member of Indianapolis based, Society of Professional Journalists — one of the oldest organizations in the U.S. that promotes and represents journalists. She is an avid Indianapolis Colts, Elvis Presley and baseball fan as well as a lover of pancakes and fine cheeses, film, and music. Tania is a Hoosier at heart with a passionate wanderlust for always traveling and giving back to those in her community. She is currently a journalism student at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Follow Tania on Twitter: @westlifebunny.

5 Reasons You Should Never Take Back a Cheater

{Image Credit: iStock}

April has been a tough month for love. From breakups to relationship shakeups in Hollywood, the start of spring has seen the good, the bad and the ugly, with plenty of month left to go.

While a slew of celebrity couples broke off their relationships to much sadness from fans, one of the biggest headlines to dominate the news cycle this month brought up the pain of infidelity.

Relationships fall apart for a number of different reasons, but one of the most common and challenging reasons just so happens to be the discovery of a partner’s infidelity. After news broke that NBA player, Tristan Thompson cheated on reality star, Khloé Kardashian while she was pregnant with their first-born, the masses took to social media to air their frustrations over the multiple allegations plaguing the couple.

{Image Credit: Jerritt Clark / Getty}

While nothing is entirely known at the time between Kardashian and Thompson’s dynamic, Kardashian has seemingly taken back the Cleveland Cavaliers player as the two raise their daughter, True Thompson, together.

Though many in relationships affected by cheating have gone on to great success to forgive and forget the emotional or physical affair, therapists and counselors collectively suggest people should decide for themselves without judgment on the probability of the cheating partner deserving a second chance. Leaving a partner is not so cut-and-dry, and rooted in a number of things ranging from boredom to doubt, or just incompatibility. But there are several deal breakers that should be regarded as red flags in a relationship riddled with cheating, becoming a solid reason as to never take back a cheater.

With expert advice adapted from Redbook, here are five solid reasons you should not take back a cheater.

It was an emotional affair

While physical affairs can be damaging, sexologist and author, Eric Marlowe Garrison says emotional affairs can be just as hard to weather through as they are more painful and difficult to recover from. Between the unknown feelings to the frustration of feeling fooled as you never noticed it under your nose, emotional cheating is psychologically damaging too and a very traumatizing slow burn. 

Learning new info over the months

Unfortunately, cheaters only ever confess what you already know in an attempt to keep the affair to a minimum, especially if it’s an emotional affair that has long been dragged out. However, relationship expert and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, Anita Chlipala, tells Redbook that if you learn new information about the affair as time goes by that your partner has intentionally omitted, this is a big deal breaker.

“Having these ‘bombs’ continually dropped and not knowing what other information you don’t yet know will be repeatedly traumatizing. Many of my clients say it’s the lying that hurts more than the actual cheating. If the lying keeps happening, it only makes things much worse,” Chlipala says.

They don’t answer all your questions

Tying into the previous point, when a person has been cheated on, they are obviously devastated, angry and hurt. But with their trust broken, part of the healing process is knowing everything that happened and asking questions they want to in order to understand the betrayal their partner has inflicted. Sex and family therapist, Jane Greer, Ph.D., tells Redbook that if they say nothing, this is a major red flag.

“The person who cheated should answer all these questions. If they can’t or won’t, walk away,” Greer says bluntly.

Placing the blame elsewhere

Author and founder of Midlife Divorce Recovery, LLC, Suzy Brown tells Redbook that blaming your spouse or the affair partner for the pain in a relationship simply means you have not accepted the fact of one’s own decision to stray. It is all about the cheating partner’s decision and ownership of their thoughts and feelings that you must accept. Anything else, and you are sweeping some major issues under the rug.

The affair has been ongoing

One of the greatest things to consider when taking back a cheater and knowing when it’s over is evaluating how long the cheating actually lasted. While many will keep their rose-colored glasses on and remain in the union, celebrity relationship expert, Audrey Hope tells Redbook that if cheating lasted a long time, like, a year or more, it’s no longer an affair, but rather a full-blown relationship.

“This is a serious breach and there is no going back! You will be haunted by the timeline, all the lies and ways they lied, and how they got away with living a double life for so long. This is the end,” Hope says.

* * * * *

In a poll of 27 Twitter users conducted for The Hudsucker earlier this month and in light of the cheating allegations against Tristan Thompson, a whopping 96 percent stated they would not take back a cheater. It should be noted that no one specified reasoning.

What do you think? Would you take back a cheater? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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One Comment on “5 Reasons You Should Never Take Back a Cheater”

  1. Jamie April 26, 2018 at 12:19 am #

    I’ve been in both shoes before… but what if your partner moves out to work thru some stuff and in hopes you will miss them, they then proceed to ‘fall for’ someone while you hide in the shadows? & what if you tell your partner you won’t fight for them or make efforts to win them back, & by the time you do make efforts or show regret, remorse and sorrow, they no longer want you back? Thoughts?

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